So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
