Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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