woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize