my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
