A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
birth control should be required to get into college
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
