you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
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