I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
