I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
