I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
