I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
