ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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