Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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