I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
