I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
