Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
she peed on how many people?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Randomize
