New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
