good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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