Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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