new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize