Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
