YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
