We won't sleep together?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
