Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
