Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
