I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
