some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
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