I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
