I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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