I have demons in me.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize