no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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