Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
