i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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