I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
