Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
