We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
