she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
