1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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