someone get that fucking seahorse.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
