This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
