I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize