She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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