I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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