who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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