There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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