So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
