How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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