Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
