I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
