I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
