I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
