i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
