I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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