Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
