Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize