im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
