I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
