You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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