They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just pee around me
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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