just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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