So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
All the doctor said was why
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
