is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
