I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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