hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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