At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
