Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
