I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
