I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
