i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
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