So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
