i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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