Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
