Will you blow on my dice?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize