i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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